With 8 days away from
my due date, I have decided to reflect on my pregnancy thus far. My overall
experience hasn’t been horrible compared to other pregnancies that I have observed
or heard about but it sucks compared to how I felt before I got pregnant. I
thought I was prepared to go through pregnancy but I don’t think any woman
knows what to expect with their first pregnancy. I always hoped that I would be
like my friend Amanda, who in my eyes had the most perfect pregnancy, and that
any woman can achieve her type of pregnancy with some work. I was wrong. I soon
realized that I was going to have my own unique experience and that pregnancy,
for me, was not a magical event.
First Trimester
Looking back on the first
trimester, it’s amazing that I got through it. First trimester makes you feel
sick constantly. I was throwing up at least two days a week and always had a
constant feeling of nausea. Eating was the only thing that helped me feel better
but food had no appeal. The fatigue that I felt was unbelievable. Even when
I relaxed and took it easy one day, I still felt like worn out and beat. This
was especially hard because I started student teaching during my first
trimester. Every day I would come home from school and crash for several hours
before I would even consider looking over the lesson plans for the next
day. Although the first trimester sucked,
it’s amazing how you find ways to deal with it. Before I was pregnant, if I got
sick on this level I would immediately call in sick and spend the next several
days in bed. But just the fact that I knew that it was pregnancy and not some
sort of illness, I found a way to get through each and every day.
Second Trimester
Second trimester
was great because I was finally feeling better and I started feeling the best
parts of pregnancy. Like getting a cute pregnant belly, the kind where you
don’t look like you’ve let yourself go but you don’t look huge either. Finding
out the sex of the baby was so much fun for me. Towards the end of my first
trimester I knew that I was going to have a little boy. No one could convince
me otherwise, the possibility of having a girl was not even an option. I knew
that I had some skeptics in my life who thought that I was crazy for knowing
the sex and there’s no possible way to know ahead of time. It was just that
much better when the ultrasound technician told me it was little boy. I knew my
life would not be the same if I had a girl first, a boy was perfect for me to
start a family with.
I also started to feel the baby move around. When they
start moving around it’s these cute little kicks that made me feel great
inside, unlike the full blown karate kicks later to come. This was one of the
best parts for me because I started treating him like a human being rather than
a parasite that made me sick all the time. This helped me to get excited about the baby. It opened up my imagination on how my life was going to be and wanting
to know what kind of person he was going to be.
 |
| My little boy! |
There were only
two things I didn’t like about second trimester. When my belly got past the
point of cute, because it was the realization I will never get my pre-pregnancy
body back. And when I had to start wearing maternity clothes. I know many women
get excited about maternity clothes, but that meant that I had less than a week
of clothes. It was sad to say goodbye to all my old clothes.
Third Trimester
Third trimester is a time when all
those great things about pregnancy that I loved so much during the second
trimester became annoying. I started getting huge, so huge that my
maternity shirts didn’t even fit me anymore. Feeling the baby moving around wasn't cute anymore. I swear my baby was having a contest to see how much he could damage my internal organs before he comes out. I am surprised that I have not
had internal bleeding from this kid, but not surprised that my belly looks like
one huge purple bruise. In addition, my hips are spreading out, which makes me
not want to move all day because it hurts to walk. My energy levels are low, similar
to the first trimester. Physically, I am done with pregnancy, but that hasn’t
caused me to try everything in my power to get this baby out yet.
Remember that excitement in second
trimester? Well that excitement for the baby turned into panic for me. I first started
to panic because I realized that I was not prepared for the baby to come.
That’s when I started preparing by buying all the things I needed for the
baby to get here (my husband could not believe how much money babies costs).
Then I started setting up my house to accommodate the baby and get everything set up for
his arrival. But the panic went away once I bought everything, and the real panic
came afterwards. It’s the panic of realizing that the baby I am carrying is
going to be out soon and the “real fun” begins. I will soon be fully in charge of
another human being and it's hard for me to comprehend how dramatically it will change my life. People around me try to tell me what it’s going to be like once
the baby comes, mostly negative comments, but I’m assuming that nothing can really
prepare you for parenthood. So each day I go back and forth on whether I
want the baby out or not.
Final Thoughts
Looking at where I’ve been and how
far I’ve come, I do believe that I can be a good mom. I’ve gone through some
really tough challenges in my life and somehow I became stronger. I compare
this moment of my life with other life-changing moments that have happened to
me, particularly moving to Utah to go to BYU and marrying Chris. It was so terrifying leaving behind the life I knew so well and
starting a whole new adventure. I couldn't imagine my life without my parents or my family, but I found it to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. The fear of
marrying Chris, my best friend in the whole world, and then later screwing up our
marriage, resulting in both of us being unhappy. But being married to Chris has
brought me nothing but happiness and joy in my life. I’m trying really hard to
look at the birth of this baby in the same way. Other moms have told me that
going through all the crap of pregnancy is worth it once you have that baby in
your arms. I am counting on that. Yeah it is super scary jumping into
motherhood, but I have the faith that this baby boy will bring me happiness
that I could not achieve elsewhere in life.
I am so proud of my husband, Chris, for getting a residency at Baylor All Saints in Fort Worth! After 3 years of pharmacy school and months of going through the residency process, we are finally at the finish line! 
